You may have heard of the five love languages, acts of service, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch.
There are also five languages of apology according to Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas namely:
EXPRESSING REGRETS( I’m sorry); ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY( I was wrong); MAKING RESTITUTION(what can I do to make it right);
GENUINELY REPENTING( I’ll try not to do that again) AND REQUESTING FORGIVENESS (Will you please forgive me).
If we have wronged someone, to restore the relationship a sincere apology is usually needed.
We may have all experienced situations where we have tried to apologize but it seems not to have any impact.
That’s because as people have love languages, they also have languages of apology.
The importance of these five languages of apology varies from person to person. For most people, two or more forms of the languages of apology speak more deeply to them than a sincere apology.
Problems arise when a person apologizes to someone and it isn’t considered genuine because it’s not their primary language of apology.
Often a sincere apology will contain more than one of these languages to be effective.
EXPRESSING REGRET – This language focuses on the emotional hurt one has experienced from another person’s behavior.
An example of this form of apology is I’m sorry for the way I ignored you, I know I must have hurt your feelings. I wish I paid more attention to you last time we met.
ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY – This requires the person apologizing to admit that they were wrong and accept responsibility for their wrongdoing.
This can be challenging as it’s difficult for people to admit to a mistake.
An attempt to make excuses or justification for wrongdoing will be rejected.
Please avoid saying anything like I know I hit you but it was because you took something that belonged to me without permission.
GENUINELY REPENT – This focuses on how the person apologizing modifies their behavior in the future in similar situations where they have wronged you.
You need to hear the person express a desire to change and set realistic attainable goals on how to make these changes.
The apologizing party needs to acknowledge its actions not just saying I’m sorry.
For instance one could say I’m sorry I didn’t make it to our meeting as planned, I know you missed so many important engagements because of me.
I’m sorry about that and will work towards ensuring it does not happen again. I’ll try to fix meetings when I’m less busy.
RESTITUTION – This is a little bit complicated because it has to do with returning things to the way they were or replacing a misplaced item.
One can replace a soiled dress but when it comes to broken trust from an affair it becomes difficult to achieve.
Earning back broken trust can be extremely difficult.
If this is the situation and the hurt party’s language of apology is restitution, then saying sorry won’t be accepted.
Earning back their trust is the only solution that can be an uphill task.
REQUESTING FORGIVENESS – Requesting forgiveness is different from demanding forgiveness.
Saying the words can you please forgive me is extremely important and considered genuine.
Beating around the bush will not be any help and acting sorry will not be accepted.
A change in behavior as a sign of apology will not be accepted.
Spoken words and an expression of regret will be considered genuine.
It’s important to understand each other’s language of apology.
Share it and help them understand what you need to avert misunderstanding.
This will help enhance a better relationship…
Please I’ll like to know if you know your language of apology…
