I have read a lot about suicide and depression. This post is difficult for me to make because it brings me to tears.
There are various kinds of depression but a lot of people seem to lay more emphasis on other forms of depression and talk less about postpartum depression, but depression is depression.
When a woman has a new baby everyone seems to be fascinated with the new baby and cares less for the mother of the baby, especially in this part of the world and everyone expects her to be happy.
Even the father of the baby is not left out of being more concerned with the baby.
When the woman is reaching out for help saying I need help, I can’t do this alone, I’m sleep deprived.
No one seems to be listening. She’s expected to be strong and overcome her issues alone.
You know I have had postpartum depression with all my children. The first was mild but the second was so extreme.
I even had thoughts of throwing Chimdinma down from the three-story building that we lived in.
The thoughts just refused to go away. I reached out for help by speaking out but I wasn’t taken seriously.
I remember calling up my sisters and telling them that I was having thoughts of throwing my daughter down from the store building.
I wasn’t getting any sleep or any rest. I also had to worry about Izuuchi, my first child.
No one was taking care of him but me, Chimdinma on the other hand just wouldn’t sleep all through the day and the night.
This was not a case of sleep when the baby sleeps. She barely slept.
My sister got scared and begged me not to do anything rash. I told her that I just wanted her to know how I was feeling.
She started calling me every thirty minutes to check on me.
My other sister was terrified and I’m sure she feared that the worst would happen.
As someone who read Psychology, she was worried about my mental health.
This post is so hard for me to write because I love my privacy but I believe that this issue is beyond that.
These posts also highlight the stress that health care professionals are under especially as regards taking care of their families.
You see my husband is a health care provider and one would expect that his wife shouldn’t go through such an experience but no one is exempt.
Between trying to save the lives of other people they are torn between saving the lives of their family members.
Most times they are expected to save others at the expense of their family.
After I called my sisters I sat down to take stock and look at my daughter and remembered the bond I had formed with her all through nine months.
Now she was here how could I feel so bad. I thought of my son who had bonded with his sister and thought of my husband and what he’ll do if I threw her down. The sorrow will bring to my family.
I just knew our lives will never be the same if I took that action.
I just realized that no matter how bad I felt. Throwing down my baby was Selfish. She didn’t deserve that.
Each time I think about it I break down in tears because it was a horrible experience for me.
A lot of people say that depression goes beyond God but I don’t agree.
I know it’s a mental health issue, but God still has a role to play.
I had to reach out for help and also prayed to God for help.
I’m sorry if that offends you.
Depression is real and difficult but before you kill yourself think about your family, and how their lives will never remain the same. Think about the effect of sudden and unexpected death.
Death is uncertain but still if someone you saw this morning died just as they left home, imagine the trauma and then begin to imagine what taking your own life would do to loved ones. It just hurts those you leave behind.
It’s high time people start asking new mothers how they are as well. It’s not just about the baby.
Family members too should avoid getting on the nerves of new mothers, they should take them seriously when they say they need help.
Having a new baby brings joy definitely but when a new mother doesn’t get the right help that joy becomes something else…
©Treasure Ezuruike
