Expectation is the greatest killer of relationships and so it’s important to manage your life and don’t let other people’s expectations define how you live. Your glass is not empty or full; it’s already broken.
When you understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious. Expectations make us suffer, pretending that things will always go our way creates unnecessary stress. Life is like a fragile glass; it will break sooner or later. Rather than expecting things to happen one way, enjoy them for what they are, while they last.
Social pressure is deceiving, we can quickly lose control of our lives without noticing it. Your boss, partner, friends, parents, and more have expectations, they don’t see you for who they are. They observe the gap between who you are and what they want you to become.
To overcome expectations, we must maintain ownership of our choices. Pleasing other people is like chasing a moving target. Everyone has different hopes for you. Social pressure is fluid and people will continually change their expectations toward you.
Expectations are an illusion. By trying to please everyone, we end pleasing no one, ourselves included. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. They feel frustrated and disappointed. That’s why it’s better to expect the unexpected and accept that the glass will break.
Anticipation is tedious and even when things go as expected, we can’t enjoy unsurprising events. Even the few times we get what we wished for, we cannot be happy either.
That’s the problem with anticipation, we experience things before they happen. We fall in love with expectations. If what we anticipated doesn’t come true, we feel life is unfair. If it happens, then the lack of surprise makes the actual experience less exciting.
The same happens with people. They expect you to behave in a particular way, but when you fail you to do so, they get frustrated. If you do please their expectations.
People tend to make decisions based on how others expect them to perform. Others can help us raise or lower our bar. Most people try to fulfill other’s expectations to gain respect and appreciation.
People who believe in you can inspire you. However, what happens when their intentions don’t align with your desires? How can you stay in charge of your own life?
We all crave autonomy. No-one wants to be told how to live. Don’t expect people to live up to your expectations. That’s one of the hardest things in life: we have a hard time understanding that people are not under our control.
Similarly, people’s expectations are theirs; you have no obligation to fulfill them. Pushy influence always creates disappointment.
Aiming for the best is not the problem , our attachment to our expectations is the issue. When our expectations are unrealistic, they turn into a bigger problem. Like hoping that glass will never break. That’s why we should expect the worst and aim for the best.
You have expectations of others. And others stack expectations of you. Some are more realistic than others. Believing that unspoken expectations will bring you what you want is unrealistic. Expecting your colleagues to do what is in your interest, but not theirs is unrealistic.
Many people bear resentment when the outcome of an event is less than they imagined it would be, even if their expectations were based on unrealistic assumptions.
The gap between what people expect from you and who you are makes you frustrated. To bridge that void, you must reframe your relationship with people’s expectations. Not expecting things from others is the first step towards preventing people from dictating how you live. Life is reciprocal and when you realize no one owes you anything, you won’t expect people to owe you anything either.
Expectations create a social contract, it’s an implicit agreement between others and you. If you don’t push back, people will assume you are okay with it. Some do it on purpose, they love controlling other’s lives. Others do it because they are merely reacting, their behavior reflects what others do to them.
The first step to getting rid of unrealistic expectations is to treat yourself kindly. To take care of others, address your needs before attending people’s desires. Accepting yourself as you are (flaws included) is the foundation for a long-term friendship. When we take who we are, there’s no room for pushy influence.
You cannot control what others think about you, but you can choose how you talk to yourself. Your inner-talk can help or harm you, learn to choose your words wisely.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue. Are you being kind to yourself or adding more pressure? Does your conversation focus on who you are and what you want to be? Or is it full of expectations of who you should be? Your dialogue should be yours, not that of someone else.
Learn to draw a line. You don’t need to be harsh, though. Just let others know when they are out of bounds, not everyone realizes when they are trying to define how you live.
Free Yourself and Free Others. When you remove your preconceptions and expectations, you can do the same to others. Living the life you love is liberating, you don’t feel the pressure to please others. Similarly, you won’t need to impose your will on others.
Expectations are an illusion, they add pressure to everyone. Let’s recover the joy of living. Stop Judging, stop expecting. Expectations derive from being judgmental, when someone can’t accept how you behave, they expect you to change. By learning to be more compassionate toward yourself, not only you’ll ease your own expectations, you won’t feel the need to judge others.
Life is not perfect, removing expectations will let you appreciate your life as is. Removing expectations doesn’t mean lowering your bar but letting go of unnecessary pressure. Only when you feel relaxed, you can give your best.
Learn to see the glass as broken. Enjoy things while they last and be okay when they break. Living without expectations requires accepting the worst and aiming for the best. And that applies to what people think of you…
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