Individuality In Marriage

T​he goal in every relationship is to be close and still maintain an identity as an individual with their own ideas, opinions, goals, dreams and interests.

This is an aspect that’s barely talked about. Couples especially women are expected to conform and sometimes give up goals and dreams they had and align with their spouse.

It’s not a surprise to expect a woman whose husband is an evangelist to start a ministry of her own or a woman whose husband is a doctor starts prescribing medicine for people even when she has no qualification just because that’s what her husband does.

Togetherness and oneness are one of the most important aspects of marriage success, yet everyone has their own distinct identity, their own ideas, interests( politics, sports,  music, movies), opinions, and hobbies.

It’s not surprising to expect spouses to support the same political party or even a football club but that must not be the case. No two people are the same, two people can have a lot of things in common but still have some differences in their personalities.

The love between two people can be a problem if one person grows while the other is stagnant because they have to conform to the ideas of the growing party. Giving up too much of oneself to please someone else is not sustainable and healthy.

A lot of people believe that a couple with different interests, hobbies, opinions and ideas are moving in different directions but that’s not true.

Everyone has goals that drive them. Two spouses must not have the same goals and ideas especially if they work in different industries.

A spouse might aspire to a political position, while the other spouse has no interest in politics that doesn’t mean they have grown apart. Spouses can have the same values, morals, and priorities but different interests and that’s where individuality comes to play.

Individuality is equal to a person’s own identity. The joy of making marriage work is accepting the individuality and differences and still making it work because everyone must not be exactly like us.

We all need to be able to accept and acknowledge the differences in backgrounds and upbringing which leads to different experiences and perceptions.

This may not sit well with some people especially with 1+1= 1. A couple must have to conform to the ideas, opinions, and interests of one person but that’s not sustainable.

In the words of John Bradshaw, “ a healthy marriage is like two people playing music together, both playing the same song, however, they do it with their own unique skills, playing their part of the melody perfectly. Each one is committed to playing their melody with their instrument and unique skills.“

Individuality is about being able to express your own ideas, opinions, and passions and have your own interests, goals, and dreams because with this there will be a stronger sense of love.