The issue of finance is a hot topic anywhere. Finance plays an important part in our lives but it even plays a more important part in a marriage. Without finance no home can function effectively.
I don’t intend to focus on who brings what and whose responsibility it is to provide. I’m interested in an area we barely pay attention to and most times make fun of, but it also has the potential to bridge trust and lead to hidden strife and bitterness.
You may be wondering what I’m referring to. I’m referring to borrowing of money between spouses with the promise of repayment and intentionally or cunningly refusing to pay back.
A spouse requests that their partner lend them money, promising to pay back once they are paid at work, but when they are paid they claim to pay those outside they borrowed from and keeps stalling.
Until one day if it’s a man who borrowed the money you will hear something like I’m your husband and you are my wife, everything you own belongs to me including any money you have, so I just borrowed my own money from you and don’t owe you anything by the way you eat in this house.
If it’s a woman you will hear we are married and 1+1= 1, so your money is our money, so what are you talking about.
But the question remains was that the agreement? Agreement is agreement everywhere. Let your word be your bond especially if it’s your spouse you are talking to.
Imagine how you feel if someone owes you money and refuses to pay and keeps giving excuses. Sometimes that money may have been saved for a purpose. Probably it’s for a business and you borrow it promising to repay the money when you know you won’t.
Sometimes you borrow from someone you don’t provide financially for, they may have asked you for financial assistance to start a business and you say you don’t have, and then they try various petty trades to come up with some money after some years of saving and you suddenly gain knowledge of that money, you borrow it and never pay back.
So I have a few propositions. First of all set the tone of your marriage to be one where financial responsibilities are delegated. Let your wife know that she will have to contribute financially to the family no matter how little.
For instance the man can attend to bigger financial responsibilities while his wife attends to smaller responsibilities. For instance while the man pays school fees his wife can pay for books or school shoes and socks, or school bags.
Or while he pays the rent she can recharge the electricity if they use a prepaid meter or she can even recharge the cable. These things are not static, they are just suggestions and everyone will do what is convenient for them.
The idea is that these things should be addressed before marriage so they don’t become difficult to achieve. The truth is that in our present economy it’ll be difficult for one person to carter for the needs of a home alone, especially if they are not involved in an fraudulent activity.
The other proposition is honesty. Instead of asking for money you know you won’t pay back because the financial burden is so much for you, why not come clean and ask for assistance. Why not say I need help with recharging the electricity or any other need, just like women ask for help with chores.
If you are asking for money make it clear it’s not a loan but assistance from a spouse. Even women to should realize that it’s really difficult for one person to carter for the financial needs of the family so we should know that we have to assist in our own way without been told as long as we have a means to help.
The truth is that taking money from a spouse and having a reputation of never paying back will send the wrong message that the day you will be in dire need of assistance you won’t get it no matter how you plead and it could just be detrimental to you that day. Trust is very essential to a marriage and once it’s lost it’ll be difficult to regain. Thank you for reading. I’ll like to know any better suggestions you may have about family finance…
